A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and to top it off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up."