A mortician was working late one night, preparing Mr. Schwartz's body for cremation. Examining the body, the morticiam was startled to discover that Mr. Schwartz was endowed with the largest penis he had even seen--larger than he would have thought humanly possible. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz, but I can't allow such a magnificent organ to be cremated. It must be preserved for posterity." And so saying, he cut if off, put it in his briefcase, and took it home. Arriving home, he said to his wife, "I have something truly amazing to show you. You'll never believe this!" He opened his briefcase. "Oh my God!" his wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!