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FUNNIES

Nov 28, 2021

A man goes to church and tells the priest "Father, I almost cheated on my wife." The priest asks him "How do you almost cheat on your wife?" The man says "Well, me and the woman were naked but we just rubbed against each other." The priest looks at him disgusted and says "Rubbing is the same as p...

FUNNIES

Nov 24, 2021

The medical students were attending their first Biochemistry Class. They were gathered around the lab table with a urine sample. The professor dipped his finger in urine and tasted it in his own mouth. Then he asked the students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes but at l...

FUNNIES

Oct 26, 2021

Travelling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say papa?" The old man answers he...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 15, 2021

Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. "I froze to death. How about you?" "I had a heart attack." "How did that happen?" "Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wif...

FUNNIES

Sep 28, 2021

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye meaning "I" then at his knee meaning "nee...

FUNNIES

Aug 30, 2021

There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hour...

FUNNIES

Aug 16, 2021

A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked "Do you know what your asshole is dong while you'r...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 30, 2021

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem. The neighbor says "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red." Th...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 23, 2021

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying "I know the whole truth". Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.Johnny's mother greets him at home and he tells her, "I know the whole truth."...

FUNNIES

Jun 26, 2021

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he...

FUNNIES

Jun 12, 2021

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have...

FUNNIES

May 30, 2021

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper "Looking for a man with three qualifications: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed." Two days later her doorbell rings "Hi, I'm Tim. I have no arms so I won't beat you and no legs so I won't r...

FUNNIES

May 22, 2021

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says...

FUNNIES

May 12, 2021

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable wo...

FUNNIES

Apr 10, 2021

LIMERICKS An unfortunate fellow named Fred Had a cock with a corkscrew shaped head. He found when he hunted A girl corkscrew-cunted But alas, with a Fred-reversed thread. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- There once was a girl...

FUNNIES

Mar 21, 2021

A university lecturer was giving instructions for tomorrow's final exam. "I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow," she said. "I might consider a death in the family or a nuclear attack, but nothing short of those." A student in the back row raise...

FUNNIES

Mar 06, 2021

A very prestigious cardiologist dies, and the hospital where he practiced his whole life arranges an eleborate funeral. At the foot of his casket is an enormous heart made of hundreds of flowers. At the conclusion of the eulogy, the heart opens and the casket slides in. Those in attendance are i...

FUNNIES

Feb 25, 2021

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. The man immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The...

FUNNIES

Feb 08, 2021

Little Johnny went to spend a weekend with his extended family in the country.. The first night he was there, he heard a racket coming from his aunt and uncle's room. It sounded to Johnny like someone was in trouble, so went to their room and opened the door. His aunt and uncle were engaged...

FUNNIES

Jan 25, 2021

A Welshman, a Scot and a beautiful English girl are riding through the English countryside on a train in 1880. The train enters a tunnel and, since rail travel was still primitive then, their car is suddenly pitched into darkness. There is the sound of a kiss, followed by the sound of a slap. Wh...

FUNNIES

Jan 17, 2021

It was snowing on Christmas Eve, as the postman was trying to get all the last minute cards, letters, and parcels delivered. He needed to collect a signature for a certified letter, so he rang the doorbell. A very attractive woman wearing a very revealing nightie opened the door with a big smile....

FUNNIES

Jan 10, 2021

An old married couple was watching TV. The husband, who had the remote, kept switching back and forth between the fishing channel and the porn channel. The wife's annoyance grew steadily until finally she shouted "For God's sake! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to...

FUNNIES

Dec 27, 2020

Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool. "Joe," Bill says, "I'm glad to see your wife finally let you out of the house." "Things have been different with my wife," Joe says. "In fact, just the other day, I decided to show her who w...

FUNNIES

Dec 14, 2020

Two women meet at the mall. One confronts the other and says "I hear you've been calling me ugly behind my back!" The second responds, "Not at all! I just said your new hair style is not as flattering as the old one." "And I hear you've been saying I'm fat!&...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 04, 2020

Joe is sitting on a train, across from a gorgeous woman in a miniskirt. With a flirtatious smile, she gradually spreads her knees, exposing the fact that she is not wearing panties and her pussy is clean shaven. Joe is struggling not to stare, and his growing agitation is plainly obvious. Finall...

FUNNIES

Nov 22, 2020

Little Johnny and his family lived way out in the sticks, in a house with no running water. Little Johny hated the outhouse, which was on the side of the house, right at the edge of a creek. It was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and smelly all the time. Johnny fantasized about pushing the...

FUNNIES

Nov 15, 2020

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson realized that they were no longer able to care for Mr. Johnson's frail 90-year-old mother. A nursing home had been recommended to them, so they had her admitted and helped her get settled in. The next morning the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and sat her i...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 06, 2020

A parrot developed a bad habit of screwing the farmer's hens, which caused them to quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it one more time, he'll pull every feather off of the parrot's head. Sure enough, the next day the farmer catches the parrot humping a hen and snatche...

FUNNIES

Oct 25, 2020

Bill had worked for years in a pickle factory. So it was a surprise one day when he came home and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion--he had an urge to stick his penis in the pickle slicer. His wife said he should see a sex therapist. Bill said that would be too embarrassing...

FUNNIES

Oct 13, 2020

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says "I don&...

FUNNIES

Oct 04, 2020

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber lathers him up, he mentions that because his cheeks are slightly hollow, he finds it difficult to get a close shave on his cheeks. "I have just the thing," the barber says, and from a drawer he produces a wooden ball about the size...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 25, 2020

A married woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest control company. One afternoon they were enjoying a lively fuck in the bedroom when they heard the front door open. The woman's husband had come home early. "Quick!" the woman said to her lover "hide i...

FUNNIES

Sep 15, 2020

On their wedding night, the young bride asked her husband for twenty dollars for their lovemaking encounter. In his aroused state, he had no objection. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years. He assumed it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and othe...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 04, 2020

thank you again! A married man was having a torrid affair with his secretary. One day they were able to slip out of the office and spend an afternoon at her place, where they fucked all afternoon. After four hours of sex, the fell asleep - and they woke up after 8 p.m. The man dressed quick...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 28, 2020

A mortician was working late one night, preparing Mr. Schwartz's body for cremation. Examining the body, the morticiam was startled to discover that Mr. Schwartz was endowed with the largest penis he had even seen--larger than he would have thought humanly possible. "I'm sorry, Mr. S...

FUNNIES

Aug 22, 2020

Six year old Johnny goes with his parents to a nudist beach. He is making sand castles and observing the adults. After a while he comes back to his mother and asks, "Mom, how come some ladies have little boobies, and some ladies have big boobies?" Mom answers "Johnny, the women wi...

FUNNIES

Aug 09, 2020

Thank you! There's a drunk standing at the curb thrusting his car key forward where he presumably thinks his car is. A cop spots this and approaches the man. "What are you doing?" the cop asks. "Trying to open my car" the drunk slurs. "So where's your car?...

FUNNIES

Jul 27, 2020

A man and a woman were approaching their 50th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, the woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night, and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. On their anniversary night, at t...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 19, 2020

The teacher asks her students "Who in the class can think of and spell a 12 letter word?" Little Johnny raises his hand and says "Masturbation. M A S T U R B A T I O N." The teacher says "I'm impressed. That's really a mouthful!" Johnny responds, &qu...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 10, 2020

A five-year old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad. That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and, holding his penis in one hand said, "Son, this is a penis. In fact....

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 19, 2020

Sorry it's so short! I need to get new material! A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and the spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry. That was an inse...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 05, 2020

One morning, Tom calls his boss. "Good morning, boss. Unfortunately, I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache and both my hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work." His boss replies, "You know Tom, I really need you today....

FUNNIES

May 24, 2020

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morn...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 17, 2020

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. He went to the doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it and bring it back. The elderly man came back the next day; the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. The doctor ask...

FUNNIES

May 09, 2020

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then the girl stops and sits up. "What's the matter?" asks the guy. She replies "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a prostitut...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 25, 2020

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied "All I wante...

FUNNIES

Apr 12, 2020

Traveling through the country, an old couple drive into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband "What did he say, pa...

FUNNIES

Apr 04, 2020

Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help. A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. A...

FUNNIES

Mar 29, 2020

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needed a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning "I" then at his k...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 22, 2020

Two girls and a boy are playing doctors and nurses behind the shed one day. The little boy suddenly drops his pants and shows them his penis. One girls screams and runs away, the other rolls her eyes and proudly scoffs, "Pfft. That's nothing. My daddy's got two of those." &qu...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 08, 2020

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "If you can make that horse over there laugh, you get free drinks for the rest of the night." The man walks over, says something to the horse and it laughs. He walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks. The next night, the man g...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 28, 2020

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone. "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, die...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 16, 2020

After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding b...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 09, 2020

Four nuns are in line to go into heaven. God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. She says "Well, I've seen a penis." So God puts holy water on her eyes and lets her enter. He asks the second nun the same thing and she says "I've held a penis" so he puts holy w...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 01, 2020

Since these are short, I'll give ya two! A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk, but he accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as you...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 24, 2020

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night th...

FUNNIES

Jan 05, 2020

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground." Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 27, 2019

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months he saw her doing this several times. One day he came home from school and heard her moaning...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 14, 2019

Since these are short, I'll give ya two! A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said "We were baking a cake" A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake again...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 06, 2019

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the str...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 24, 2019

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and to top it off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says "That's nothing compared to my life. I&#39...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 09, 2019

Several years ago, Country #1 funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million dollars. The study concluded that the reason the head is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during s...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 03, 2019

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up the the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end....

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 26, 2019

A couple were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said "I gotta have you!" He backed her up against the bathroom door pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew she was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had b...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 18, 2019

Two older women were outside sitting on the porch having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, and put it over her cigarette. She continued smoking. The other woman asks, "Ethyl, what's that?" Ethyl replies, "A condom....

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 06, 2019

A young man was showing off his new sportscar to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200 mph will you take your clothes off?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets to 200, she peels off all her clothes. Unable to keep his...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 27, 2019

A guy goes to the supermarket one day. He's doing his shopping when he notices an attractive young woman waving at him. She comes over and says hi to him. He's taken aback because he can't think where he knows her from. So he asks her, "Do you know me?" She replies...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 13, 2019

A lady walks into a fancy jewelry store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 06, 2019

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve’s buddies...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 23, 2019

Two policemen with a dog are standing outside of a pub. A guy comes out, lifts up the dog’s tail, shakes his head and leaves. A few minutes later, another guy comes out and does the same thing. The policemen begin to wonder, but don’t say anything. When a third guy comes out of the pub...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 16, 2019

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday in the morning before I went to work. My parents forgot too and so did my kids. I got into work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I was really sad because everyone had for...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 09, 2019

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher say...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 02, 2019

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. In a panic and realizing there was no time for her lover to get away, she said, “Hurry, stand in the corner.” He does so and she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder....

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 26, 2019

A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands. “Bartender: What’s the matter buddy? Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend. Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do? Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out! Bartende...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 19, 2019

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he retu...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 12, 2019

My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said in a weak voice, “There’s something I must confess.” “Ssshhh,” I said. “There’s nothing to confess. Everything is alright.” “No, I must die in peace” he said. “ I had sex with your sister, your best friend, and a co-worker.”...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 05, 2019

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, seemed very nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. “Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked “No, I don’t” she replied. “Well, there’s a building in Canada with a big tank of latex...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 21, 2019

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I've been invited to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends to go fishing, for the long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a three-day week...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 14, 2019

INSIDE THE CONFESSION BOOTH: Me: “Father, I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.” Priest: “Wow! I gotta hear this!” Me: “I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife, and ate all his groceries and didn’t share.” Priest: “You forgot pride.” Me: “...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 07, 2019

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while… He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 24, 2019

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 17, 2019

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that; I must ask each of you a single question. Please form...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 10, 2019

The Church Gossip Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, h...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 03, 2019

Two Hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbilli...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 26, 2019

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on a hospital bed. A young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 12, 2019

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a pr...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 05, 2019

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in th...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 29, 2019

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 22, 2019

2 cowboys, sitting at the bar, are talking about sex. The first cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !" "I haven't heard of that position” says the other cowboy, "what is it?" "Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 15, 2019

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesec...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 08, 2019

Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said”Electricians are the best. Everything inside is color coded.” The second surgeon says, “No. I think Librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” The third surgeon shut them...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 01, 2019

If you close your eyes and rub a kiwi fruit in one hand & rub one of your balls with the other, it's difficult to tell the difference. It also gets you banned from Walmart.

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 22, 2019

WHY IS A WOMAN LIKE A MAP OF THE WORLD? Between the ages of 13-25 she’s like Asia-half virgin and half explored Between the ages of 25-35 she’s like Africa – hot and mysterious Between the ages of 35 and 45 she’s like America – cool & calculating Between the ages of 45 and 65 lik...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 15, 2019

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00 “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner said “Look, I should tell you that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it sa...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 08, 2019

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor." "Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell." "My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wak...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 01, 2019

The teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher sa...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 25, 2019

A couple was in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!" He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties, and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before. W...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 18, 2019

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the mem...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 11, 2019

Snake Venom One day a happy couple Jay and Marie were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick. Since no one was around for miles Marie called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick Quick I need your help my boyfriend got bit by a snake on his p...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 04, 2019

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he star...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 21, 2018

He laid her on the table.So white clean and bare.His forehead wet with beads of sweat.He rubbed her here and there.He touched her neck and then her breast.And then drooling felt her thigh.The slit was wet and all was set,He gave a joyous cry.The hole was wide...He looked inside.All was dark and murk...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 14, 2018

One Christmas Eve, Santa was under a lot of stress. He and Mrs. Claus had just had a fight, it was nearly time to leave and his sleigh wasn't loaded, and the elves were talking about going on strike. Then an angel walked into his office and asked, "Hey, Santa, what do you want me to do wit...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 07, 2018

A boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?" "What? You're crazy!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem..." "No! Someone may see...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 16, 2018

Bob and Leroy were sitting on the front porch of Bob’s house. Leroy says "Bob, you and me are best buddies. If you went hunting and I had sex with your wife and she had my baby, would that make us kin folk?" Bob replied “I don't know Leroy, but it would damn sure make us even"

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 09, 2018

Drunk Woman - A drunk woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her. A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." He rolls hi...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 02, 2018

Forehead John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It"s been flickering for weeks now". He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don"t think so"....

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 26, 2018

A truck driver was driving between towns on a country road when he spotted a gorgeous blonde hitchhiking. He stopped without hesitation and she climbed into the cab showing mountains of cleavage. Two miles further down the road, he got a flat, pulled to the side of the road and got out to inspec...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 19, 2018

A guy walks into a pharmacy with a suppository prescription for his wife and approaches the front counter. He hands the prescription to the pharmacist and after confirming the prescription, the pharmacist asks him, "Okay sir, what kind of pills would you like?" The guy looks around and over the...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 05, 2018

HERE'S TWO SHORTIES FOR YA! A boy walks in on his mom and dad having sex. He asks, "What are you doing?" The dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!" The boy says, "Well, do her doggy style I want a puppy.An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 21, 2018

A man hires a hooker and they go back to his house. The man says I have never had a 69 before. The hooker says okay lets try that. they get into position and she farts. the hooker says o i'm sorry, i don't know whats gotten into me. she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she comes out and gets in...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 14, 2018

A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night. The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn. The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, "Look son, see that wall? It's got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 07, 2018

A hippie backpacker from the Swiss Alps was tramping across a farmer’s field when it got dark. He asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer agreed but said he would have to sleep in bed with his 18 year old daughter. The farmer told him, "If I catch you molesting my daughter I'll...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 17, 2018

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" Th...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 10, 2018

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 03, 2018

Two homeless men are devising a plan to get free drinks at a bar. The first one has an idea: "We'll buy a hot dog and stick it down your pants, walk into the bar, get our drinks, drink, and when the bartender asks for his money, you pull down your pants and I suck on the hot dog that you put dow...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 27, 2018

After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I co...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 20, 2018

Since these are short, I'll give ya two! Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better." A man boards a...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 06, 2018

A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk, but he accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 29, 2018

A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are yo...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 22, 2018

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 15, 2018

Since these are short, I've given you two this week! Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months." During a...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 08, 2018

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 01, 2018

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 25, 2018

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 18, 2018

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morni...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 11, 2018

Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 04, 2018

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually read...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 27, 2018

There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two ho...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 20, 2018

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes o...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 13, 2018

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 06, 2018

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 30, 2018

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 23, 2018

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really sm...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 16, 2018

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from b...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 09, 2018

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 02, 2018

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two wer...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 23, 2018

WISHING A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 16, 2018

MULTI Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah sa...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 09, 2018

Oh, Brother! A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he asked. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the wife. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but jus...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 02, 2018

HELL??? A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, it’s throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, t...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 26, 2018

PERSUASION Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see you...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 19, 2018

VASELINE SURVEY A man doing a market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?” She says “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 05, 2018

I know it's after Christmas, but I think you'll like this!A CHRISTMAS STORY FOR PEOPLE HAVING A BAD DAY- When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her...