888-69-KELLY
PhoneKelly.com offers the best phone sex and the best price.
Sierra
888 69 KELLY  ext 7585

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 14, 2019

INSIDE THE CONFESSION BOOTH: Me: “Father, I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.” Priest: “Wow! I gotta hear this!” Me: “I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife, and ate all his groceries and didn’t share.” Priest: “You forgot pride.” Me: “...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 07, 2019

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while… He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 24, 2019

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 17, 2019

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that; I must ask each of you a single question. Please form...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 10, 2019

The Church Gossip Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, h...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 03, 2019

Two Hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbilli...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 26, 2019

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on a hospital bed. A young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 12, 2019

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a pr...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 05, 2019

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in th...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 29, 2019

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 22, 2019

2 cowboys, sitting at the bar, are talking about sex. The first cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !" "I haven't heard of that position” says the other cowboy, "what is it?" "Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 15, 2019

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesec...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 08, 2019

Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said”Electricians are the best. Everything inside is color coded.” The second surgeon says, “No. I think Librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” The third surgeon shut them...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 01, 2019

If you close your eyes and rub a kiwi fruit in one hand & rub one of your balls with the other, it's difficult to tell the difference. It also gets you banned from Walmart.

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 22, 2019

WHY IS A WOMAN LIKE A MAP OF THE WORLD? Between the ages of 13-25 she’s like Asia-half virgin and half explored Between the ages of 25-35 she’s like Africa – hot and mysterious Between the ages of 35 and 45 she’s like America – cool & calculating Between the ages of 45 and 65 lik...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 15, 2019

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00 “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner said “Look, I should tell you that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it sa...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 08, 2019

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor." "Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell." "My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wak...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 01, 2019

The teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher sa...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 25, 2019

A couple was in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!" He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties, and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before. W...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 18, 2019

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the mem...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 11, 2019

Snake Venom One day a happy couple Jay and Marie were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick. Since no one was around for miles Marie called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick Quick I need your help my boyfriend got bit by a snake on his p...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 04, 2019

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he star...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 21, 2018

He laid her on the table.So white clean and bare.His forehead wet with beads of sweat.He rubbed her here and there.He touched her neck and then her breast.And then drooling felt her thigh.The slit was wet and all was set,He gave a joyous cry.The hole was wide...He looked inside.All was dark and murk...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 14, 2018

One Christmas Eve, Santa was under a lot of stress. He and Mrs. Claus had just had a fight, it was nearly time to leave and his sleigh wasn't loaded, and the elves were talking about going on strike. Then an angel walked into his office and asked, "Hey, Santa, what do you want me to do wit...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Dec 07, 2018

A boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?" "What? You're crazy!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem..." "No! Someone may see...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 16, 2018

Bob and Leroy were sitting on the front porch of Bob’s house. Leroy says "Bob, you and me are best buddies. If you went hunting and I had sex with your wife and she had my baby, would that make us kin folk?" Bob replied “I don't know Leroy, but it would damn sure make us even"

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 09, 2018

Drunk Woman - A drunk woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her. A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." He rolls hi...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Nov 02, 2018

Forehead John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It"s been flickering for weeks now". He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don"t think so"....

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 26, 2018

A truck driver was driving between towns on a country road when he spotted a gorgeous blonde hitchhiking. He stopped without hesitation and she climbed into the cab showing mountains of cleavage. Two miles further down the road, he got a flat, pulled to the side of the road and got out to inspec...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 19, 2018

A guy walks into a pharmacy with a suppository prescription for his wife and approaches the front counter. He hands the prescription to the pharmacist and after confirming the prescription, the pharmacist asks him, "Okay sir, what kind of pills would you like?" The guy looks around and over the...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Oct 05, 2018

HERE'S TWO SHORTIES FOR YA! A boy walks in on his mom and dad having sex. He asks, "What are you doing?" The dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!" The boy says, "Well, do her doggy style I want a puppy.An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 21, 2018

A man hires a hooker and they go back to his house. The man says I have never had a 69 before. The hooker says okay lets try that. they get into position and she farts. the hooker says o i'm sorry, i don't know whats gotten into me. she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she comes out and gets in...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 14, 2018

A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night. The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn. The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, "Look son, see that wall? It's got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Sep 07, 2018

A hippie backpacker from the Swiss Alps was tramping across a farmer’s field when it got dark. He asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer agreed but said he would have to sleep in bed with his 18 year old daughter. The farmer told him, "If I catch you molesting my daughter I'll...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 17, 2018

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" Th...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 10, 2018

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Aug 03, 2018

Two homeless men are devising a plan to get free drinks at a bar. The first one has an idea: "We'll buy a hot dog and stick it down your pants, walk into the bar, get our drinks, drink, and when the bartender asks for his money, you pull down your pants and I suck on the hot dog that you put dow...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 27, 2018

After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I co...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 20, 2018

Since these are short, I'll give ya two! Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better." A man boards a...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jul 06, 2018

A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk, but he accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 29, 2018

A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are yo...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 22, 2018

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 15, 2018

Since these are short, I've given you two this week! Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months." During a...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 08, 2018

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jun 01, 2018

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 25, 2018

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 18, 2018

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morni...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 11, 2018

Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

May 04, 2018

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually read...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 27, 2018

There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two ho...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 20, 2018

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes o...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 13, 2018

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Apr 06, 2018

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 30, 2018

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 23, 2018

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really sm...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 16, 2018

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from b...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 09, 2018

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Mar 02, 2018

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two wer...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 23, 2018

WISHING A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 16, 2018

MULTI Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah sa...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 09, 2018

Oh, Brother! A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he asked. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the wife. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but jus...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Feb 02, 2018

HELL??? A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, it’s throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, t...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 26, 2018

PERSUASION Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see you...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 19, 2018

VASELINE SURVEY A man doing a market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?” She says “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”...

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Jan 05, 2018

I know it's after Christmas, but I think you'll like this!A CHRISTMAS STORY FOR PEOPLE HAVING A BAD DAY- When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her...